I've taken a bit of a reprieve into myself the last couple of weeks just because frankly i couldn't handle the reality of it all. I've found a bit too much solace in retail therapy and i have come out the other end of the tunnel.
things don't work for a reason. things happen. i have to be patient. patience is a virtue correct?
Just shortly after starting this blog and writing down all my memories, I had my IUI and then the reality of it failing. I hadn't realized I hadn't written about my HSG. I know I actually haven't even written about my IUI yet in a form that's fully composed.
So here goes HSG.
HSG, for those who might know how, is a hysterosalpinogram. It's where they insert a catheter up into your cervix into your uterus, inject some dye that is then forced through your fallopian tubes and an x-ray is taken to see if your tubes are blocked.
The prep for mine was to simply take 2 tylenol and I was advised I could go about my normal day activities and go back to work no problem. you also have to have this on a certain day of your cycle too, but no other special prep needed.
Hear me out.
Now, I do have a very high tolerance for pain meds, and I like to think of myself as having a high tolerance of pain due to the severe cramps I've had since 11 and also from the lupus. If you should be like me and have a higher tolerance for pain meds, I highly advise you talk to your doctor about the possibility of stronger drugs. or at least in MY case that's what I had wished I had done, I'm by no means a doctor or advising you what to do. And by this time your probably running away screaming, thinking that the next thing I post is about the gigantic tool...
no. but I'm not going to lie: it was probably the most painful experience I've endured rather than breaking my ankle 2 years ago.
Me and B showed up at the hospital at crack of dawn. You check in at radiology, they brought me into this large xray room. Gown, check. Then you're put into a table in the middle of this room. I felt on display, as if the people behind the safety shield were studying me. then the MD came in (different MD then who I see now). The MD is very friendly, briefly explains and then proceeds to bring out the lovely speculum. I know you're supposed to be strong and brave and the means justify the end and all, but sometimes when you're in a room full of people having a speculum used on you, it just feels so horrifying. B was there the whole time, I think slightly anxed about the whole thing too. So then the catheter gets put up into your cervix..and it was a feeling I can't even explain. Then the dye came. and finally the cramps. The whole thing was literally less than a minute.
But the cramps. I thought it was just like, ok, this is like my WORST period cramps ever, I can deal. and then they went up a notch. and another, and another. and finally I was just laying there, and tears were coming down my face, just constant tears. i was in too much pain to even make a sound. the MD came over and said that for some women severe cramping, which can mimic labor pains, can happen, and unfortunately I was probably one of them. Another case in which I got the lucky straw of just the few % of women it happens to.
I laid there for a bit, B was unable to even comfort me. It's as if everyone in the room was gone and I was solely focused on this pain that I was sure going to kill me. it finally started to subside a bit, coming in waves. i sat up. i sat up for a bit, hunched over for some reason felt good.
2 tylenol. should have had some vicodin for this. i probably wouldn't have had such a horrid time.
Best part of this whole thing? i hadn't even made arrangements to be home. I still had to go into work. And so..I got into my car...and I went to work, crying the entire way. I got there..and couldn't get comfortable at all, still in raging waves of pain. I was getting worried that it was still doing this. I even had a mtg where I had to present something to an exec. It literally took every breathe of my body not to start crying in that mtg, and I knew everyone could see i wasn't right. I went home after that, actually went to my mom's and sat in her lazyboy recliner and didn't move for 5 hours. There's something about her recliner that has magical healing powers. whenever i really don't feel good or i go home sick from work, i end up there, and i really do feel better. maybe it's just having someone take care of me for a change..missing the daily mom factor.
so my tubes were clear. after that night i was ok, the next morning i was just tired.
so that's my HSG experience. it was horrible. I'm not going to lie and say oh it was just a little uncomfortable, take 2 tylenol and go about your day. it was absolutely brutal. However..I think what got me through it was knowing B was there, witnessing what I was willing to do, and I think it was that moment too where he realized how serious I was. and i think just that made it worth it.