Now that im caught up in my fertility memoir if you will, I can start chronicling the very present.
Sept09: 2nd IUI on 9/7
Letrozole day 3-7, 2 ultrasounds, ovidrel shot on 9/5
I found out on Friday that we were good to go for an IUI on monday. My follicle got increasingly larger, quicker than the last time. It jumped from just barely 12mm to 17 in 3 days. I've kept my excitement at bay though. in all honesty, i haven't even allowed myself to be positive and positive or think ahead or any of it. this is just something i have to do, the same as get blood drawn or mail bills. another thing, another day. last time i got my hopes up too high and crashed down entirely too hard. so with that said, i was listening to the nurse tell me the plan and then she told me who was on call and would be doing my IUI. It was the male partner of the doctor team.
[Bit of history here: I worked for this couple in highschool, I was friends with their daughter in highschool, went over to their house, went on a vacation with them, I consider them friends, rolemodels, and i completely respect them in every which way.
finding this out was really really..just not good for me. i was already feeling totally embarrassed, he was like a dad figure to me in a way, and I also just felt ashamed of my body at that point, having to show parts I would NEVER in an effing million years want to show. but..i knew he'd be professional, though it just made my whole labor day weekend just anxiety ridden.]
My saving grace was that my favorite nurse was back again and I asked if she could stay in the room and she said absolutely. well it turns out..the woman of the team was going to do it, which made me feel..slightly better, but I was still nervous and just upset.
same thing, speculum, catheter. i kept talking to the RN who was holding my hand, trying to focus on her and nothing else. this time though, I had quite a bit of cramping. It was just moderate, but still kinda intense. This time though I had it spill back out..which isn't good. She said just a small amount, but I then had to lay there, with hips tilted up, for 20 minutes. After being given labs slips, I was on my way home already.
We decided to splurge and got breakfast and took it home and then literally i have done nothing. unlike last time when we decided to go see Harry Potter 6, I laid on my couch and watched movies with him, read a lot. folded some laundry..all that fun stuff. I had something in the oven slow cooking all day, so dinner was all set. i had a very relaxing day. and now i sit here waiting for my stud to get out of the shower.
when people who have had babies say they've lost a part of that humility and embarassment that comes with procedures involving reproductive anything, I truly believe them now. It's so difficult to lose the feeling of anxiety and almost I have to admit, shame, of doing these things. you have to remind yourself that this is what these professionals do, this is nothing new to them, it's only new to you. I know that still doesn't make it feel better when your sitting there reading this. but remember that if you ever happen to find yourself laying in a room, legs open and people talking about your husbands sperm as if it were just another item in the room. i've done it. you're not alone. you're not alone in feeling as if this is a task that you're not sure you can do. but you can.