Sunday, August 9, 2009

years.

nov 08-aug 09: fert docs.
spring 07-HSG in october 08: ob-gyn2
entire year of 06-metformin: ob-gyn1
entire year of 05: naturally (kinda talked to the np)

It's hard to really summarize the events that happened so long ago. In many ways I wish I had started writing all this down when it first was happening, but I never thought it would be just about 4 years later. 4 years, 2 weddings (including mine), first bought house, 4 cats, 1 cat death, 3 jobs, and 39393 dunkin donuts coffees later.

After the year of doing metformin only therapy, we quit. i couldn't handle it anymore. I was becoming almost obsessive. I had spent the last 12 months every morning taking my temps, writing it down, agonizing over excel spread sheets to see if there were spikes or dips or ANYTHING to indicate I was perhaps normal. I had spent a fortune on Ovulating Predictor kits, and remember being so angry once I snapped the sticks in half and threw them away, then cried because I had just wasted $30. The thing a lot of people don't understand about going through fertility issues, is the emotional wasteland you become. maybe some people are happy happy rainbows and good for them, but i think a majority of women, go to this wasteland on a regular basis. or at least I did. and I'm not saying i'm everyone.

We took a break. I had been stressing out so much about not stressing out, and every negative preg test was just a little chunk taken out, that we decided from xmas to that spring of 07 we just didn't do anything. we also didn't get pregnant either.

then in the spring of 07, we decided we needed to find another doctor, someone whos' going to take us seriously and not just do metformin. so i went to a doctor I had really liked when i worked at the office. she kept us on metformin. and wanted to monitor us for a few months in cycles. i felt like..why am i wasting..my time. i had brought in printed out excel charts, my lists of temperatures, my medical records from past. and still. more months of waiting.

the waiting can kill you. and you forcefully become a very...patient..person. for a while at least.

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